Life Lessons Love Lessons by Kamini Desai

Author:Kamini Desai [Desai Kamini]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: BN Publishing

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

THIS IS NOT to say I advocate divorce as the only option when things are at a breaking point. I know many people I admire deeply who have held on through these kinds of challenges and come out the better for it. They continued to grow as individuals within the form of their relationship, and their relationship and love have become stronger and deeper as a result. They are the example of what a relationship can be when used as a practice. However, changing form, letting go and moving on is an often less-acknowledged cousin, and can be equally valid. There is no one right way for everyone. That is for each person to determine on their own based on their use of relationship as a form and the boundaries and limitations within which they are able to practice.

TO DENY THE PAST IS TO DENY THE PATH THAT BROUGHT US HERE

When we make either of these choices, it is easy to doubt ourselves. “Should I have gotten out?” Or “Could I have made it through if I had just hung on a little longer?” Then we come up with all the reasons to justify our decision, or perhaps put ourselves down for the choice we made. In the end, it comes down to one thing. We did what we did. It already happened. Thinking about how it could have been handled better is wasting energy on something that cannot be changed. The only question now is if we want to continue to rehash a choice made long ago or accept that no matter how pretty or ugly, this was our path.

Our path is meant to bring us to where we are. The way we can make the best use of the path we chose is by looking objectively at what worked and what didn’t as we traveled, taking what we learned from that journey and moving on. To regret the past is to regret the path that brought us to where we are. The path is the only passage by which we each uniquely arrive at where we are now. To deny the way we got here is to deny all that we have learned and achieved through the course of our lives. If we had not had all the life experiences we’ve had, would we be the same person? Would we have the same wisdom and insight? Would we be as mature as we are? My guess is not.

No amount of reading books or taking workshops can replace the lessons learned through real-life experience. I grew up in a community where I learned many of the teachings of the east as a child. But that could not spare me from having to learn my own life lessons. Parents with the benefit and insight of experience cannot save their children from their own painful lessons. No matter how much anyone appears to know, no one is exempt. To imagine that any one of us can somehow get through life without muddying ourselves with humanity is unrealistic.

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